I Will See You Again

Yikes!!!  Just last week I published my first blog post in over eight months, and now here it is only one short week later, and I find myself ready to publish another!!!  Actually, it is simply a revision of an earlier post and if you have been following Diaryofanut for the past few years, the post may seem vaguely familiar as I have reposted a similar version of the original every September 5th since 2012.  The occasion is the 47th wedding anniversary of the “dreamcrusher” and the “optimist”….the TGW and the DH.  It seems that I always, always, always become nostalgic around this time of year as it calls to mind so many treasured and bittersweet memories of life-altering moments from days gone by.  Happy 47th Anniversary Crick!

Memory can only tell us what we were,
in the company of those we loved;
it cannot help us find what each of us, alone, must now become.
Yet no person is really alone;
those who live no more, echo still within our thoughts and words,
and what they did has become woven into what we are.
~ Jewish prayer 

This week I have been on a bit of a sentimental journey as today is the 42nd anniversary of the day when the “glass half-full” wed the “glass half-empty” and an incredible journey was begun.  I have countless memories of the “good, the bad and the ugly” (which brings to mind the actor, Clint Eastwood…..which brings to mind an empty chair…which brings to mind a certain political convention……but for today, I will stay on topic, so that you may all rest easy!!  LOL).  The little strips of typewritten paper which I inserted above were several of thirty-eight which Crick had attached to thirty-eight roses he had placed throughout the house to be discovered by me when I had returned home work to celebrate our anniversary four years ago.  Without a doubt, this was the single most romantic idea he had ever conceived!!!  As you can see from the “new-found political activism” mention, the year was 2008……the year I became, not just any “nut”, but a ““right-wing nut!!!  And of course, you will notice the words “stubbornness” and “ways you get mad” (I do believe, he just might have been recalling the “King’s Island Main Street incident”!!!………which, I must confess, was unfortunately not an isolated event!).  I am  quite sure that Peggy and Mark will take particular note of the “NOT my fishing and camping partner”, for no matter how awesome Crick tried to make the idea of camping out in a hot, stuffy tent, sleeping all too close to terra firma, among the creepy, crawling insects, the squirrels and raccoons, and those pesky, chirping birds; I have always, always, always preferred the creature comforts of home.  And foremost among those thirty-eight for which Crick was expressing his gratitude, were our children and grandchildren, for whom we both always, always, always agreed were our greatest blessings.

I actually have been on a mission of sorts the past two days to put together some pictures from forty-two years ago, as my own small way of honoring this day and all of the memories attached to it.  And as I was sorting through the various photos, and a few of the cards that I had kept of anniversaries past, I remembered something.  One year, probably twenty years ago (gosh was 1990 that long ago???), Crick and I had surprisingly presented each other with the very same gift!!  Now this is even more remarkable because we did not always exchange gifts as money was usually tight (due in part to a very stingy financier!!!).  This particular year however, we shockingly presented each other with…………………a cassette (CD’s were just becoming popular, but we obviously were not on the cutting edge of new technology !!!) of  a hit song by Linda Ronstadt and Aaron Neville titled “Don’t Know Much”.  It seemed to touch us both in the same way about how we  each viewed our relationship………and so I listened to it again for the first time in quite a while and realized how perfectly it suited us.  I decided to see if I could put some pictures and the music together in a video format, and this is the result:

TNT  (Till Next Time)

TGW (The Good Wife)

P.S.  Remember that last wedding picture in the video??  Take a look at this picture some 40 years later……only this time the kiss was an opportune schtick to get him out of having to smile for the camera!!  LOL

P.P.S. Recently, I was driving home from running an errand and I happened to be not too far from Resurrection Cemetery and so, out of the blue, I decided to redirect my homeward destination.  Now, I couldn’t begin to explain the rationale for this sudden change in plans except that there was this inexplicable desire for me to do so.  There is one thing about cemeteries……………..they are very quiet…………..and perhaps that is exactly what I unknowingly needed.  Anyway, after spending some time in reflection and prayer at the grave-sites of Crick, my parents and my two brothers, I got back into my car and drove home.  Several hours later, still in somewhat of a rather pensive mood, I was searching in my wallet for an appointment card when I discovered this:

dear husband DH

Call me crazy (and many do!!!!), but I have no recollection of ever having placed this pocket-coin in my wallet.  In fact, I can’t even remember purchasing such a coin and the only explanation for me having it would be that I perhaps gave it to Crick when he went over to Kosovo with the National Guard in 2004.  Over the course of our marriage there were very few situations which would have triggered the giving of such a sentimental token, except for just such a dire situation as his leaving me and the family for nine long months!!!  (LOL)  However this coin came into my possession remains a curious question.  Personally, I believe that it was one of those “God” moments which occur when we allow ourselves to be open to receive His gifts to us.  As Matthew 6:8 tells us; “Your Father knows what you need before you ask him” and so knowing that I was in need of feeling Crick’s presence, God blessed me with the discovery of this pocket-coin which brought much desired peace and comfort to my heart.

And so, on this 47th anniversary of the DH and TGW, I hold onto this thought of Marguerite’s from the book, “The Five People You Meet In Heaven”:

“Lost love is still love.  It just takes a different form, that’s all. You can’t hold their hand, you can’t tousle their hair. But when those senses weaken, another one comes to life. Memory. Memory becomes your partner, you hold it, you dance with it.  Life has to end…………love doesn’t.”

I will see you again, Crick.